Where do you come from

I did some extensive research to find where the origins of my family came from. I first wanted answers as to why I was the only one born in San Diego, California. Everyone else in my household was born in El Paso. It turns out that my dad was training to be apart of Border Patrol. And the training required him to move his family to San Diego. Eventually I came into the family. They lived out in San Diego, for a year and a half after I was born and then relocated back to El Paso. Eventually my two other sisters were born in El Paso, and we have lived here ever since. 

But to understand where the Fourniers, come from, I needed to find out where we came from. I sought to find out where my grandparents came from. My grandmother and grandfather from my fathers side were both born in El Paso. I asked if any way they were affected by the Repatriation Act. I was surprised to learn that she had never heard of it before as well as the treatments that immigrants were receiving during those times. They are both unfortunately not with us anymore so I can't ask them more questions about those times. I did find out that my grandpa's dad did migrate from Mexico to El Paso. The timeline gets alittle fuzzy after that, but they are not just from Mexico. They moved from France to Mexico and then to the United States.

Mi Cajitas

Throughout life I have loved to collect little memories and put them into little boxes. Just little things that I could go through and remember where I had gotten the memory. I have recently decided to move from my childhood home and went through all my boxes! It was so exciting and emotionally to see all the memories. Huge Tupperware filled of childhood memories, and I had to decide what to take with me to my new home. My parents home is located on the westside of El Paso, and I moved all the way to far east El Paso. I naturally could not take all my boxes of memories with me I ended up  narrowing it down to a few of my memories.  Boxes of stuffed animals are still at my parents house, and I still plan on moving them, but one box at a time. I chose a few of my cajitas to present to the class and for the blog. It is not all of them because they are hidden in different spots of my house. 

The first of my cajitas is a book that I have had in my possesion since I was a young child. It was previously my mom's. She used to teach special education, I believe she wanted to use the book for a lesson in class. I don't know if she ever did, but she handed the book down to me. I remember reading it in one day, one sitting. It was an amazing read! I even bookmarked certain pages with quotes. They are mainly motivational quotes. It truly makes you think how much we take for granted in life. And now that I live away from my mom, it reminds me of my mom.

 

The next cajitas I keep by my side, is my nana's memorial card. I had the most memories helping my mom take care of my nana. She forever holds a place in my heart. I keep her close to me. It is displayed on my other cajita she gave me as a baby. She was a very religious, and always sought to teach the religion in a positive view. 

The other cajita I have is a license plate that my Dad had given me when I was a baby. I was born in California. I am the only one in my family born from another city. But strangely enough I love El Paso more than San Diego. Being away from my Dad, it reminds me of my dad.

Another cajita I have is a picture of my first dog. He was my first puppy baby, my first major responsibility. His name was Chico and he was a wonderfully puppy. He unfortunately ran away, so I have always kept his picture with me.

The last cajita I have is a gift I received from my first job. It was my first job that I had when I had turned 16. I worked at the movie theatre. I started at the very bottom of the chain and by 18, I became an assistant manager. I worked there for 5 years and learned many lessons from there. This was my first Christmas gift, given has a manager and I was thrilled. I also collected every key I earned working at the theatre. The keys were little rewards I earned. When I decided to quit, I took my keys with me. I earned them lol.

 

Gwen Araujo's Story

The story of Gwen Araujo is a powerful story about a journey through society, where you are labelled as the “black sheep”. It’s a story that is usually never seen through popular forms of media such as movie theaters or even in the paper. Much less there is little to no coverage if they are of a different ethnicity. I do feel partially ashamed that I did not know the story of Gwen Araujo, before watching the documentary. I would say that I am a high advocate for the LGBTQ community, but I do feel ashamed that I did not know about this story. It coincides with my culture and my beliefs.

Growing up I experienced a lot of gender specific stereotypes. I grew up thinking that baby boys were identified with the color blue and girls were identified with the color pink. Being raised in a heavily influenced Hispanic family, the girls in our family were raised to be extremely feminine. The women were expected to wear dresses or pretty looking clothing, the hair is always supposed to be kept tidy (wearing in pulled up, would be considered trashy). The women were also expected to be the ones who stayed at home and cooked ALL the meals, cleaned everyone’s messes, and then grow old enough to have babies and raise the children. This is represented in the Gwen Araujo documentary.  So I grew up with these stereotypical gender roles in my mind thinking this is perfectly okay. It wasn’t until high school that I really started to see the world in a different view. I was able to meet people who didn’t particularly identify with another gender. They were kind-hearted with feelings and emotions. Although they were able to act normally among the group of friends, it never really occurred to me the daily challenges they might face. My representation for the LGBTQ community is new, but growing up it wasn’t taught to me that there was more to gender beyond “boy” and “girl” label. As I continue to grow up in the world, I try to make sure that I am as respectful as possible to anything people identify as. I try to keep myself open minded towards other peoples emotions and feelings. I am a huge advocate for genderless restrooms, I try to advocate the vote for genderless restrooms in the workplace, schools, and shopping centers. It is the least I can do, but I do eventually plan on expanding advocating for genderless labels. I have also decided that when I plan to have a baby in the future, that I wanted to have a gender reveal party, and the colors I would use was yellow. I wouldn’t even reveal the gender, it would be more of a celebration of life party.

There is a specific memory that I will never forget at UTEP. It was raining really hard at UTEP one day, and I had to run across campus to get to class. I stupidly had forgot my umbrella and my jacket that day, so I was running across campus with a book above my head. I was soaked and only half way there, as I was running someone ran up next to me and shared their jacket and their umbrella with me. They didn’t say their name they just said, “Here we can run together, where are running too?” We ended up running together through the rain, to the same building. As we were getting ready to walk into the building I looked at their face and she was wearing the prettiest make-up and a beautiful wig. She eventually told me her name was Rachel, and we parted ways. I thought it was the sweetest gesture she did for me. Especially because on my first part of the run, no one was offering a umbrella and she went out of her way to help me. She was super sweet and I wish I could do more to thank her. I will never forget the memory of how she helped me. It encourages me to want to be more to helpful to the LGBTQ community.

I want to share this video with you. Warning it will make you cry, I cried, it’s a step towards teaching our children to break the gender placed roles.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OyZPId4VVnM

References

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OyZPId4VVnM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LcPZu-RQaG8

The Murals

I was very pleased to participate in this assignment.  I have never gone to visit the area where the murals have been painted but I was glad to participates in a very eye opening activity. What really stood out to me about the murals was the fact that there was an overall presence of female representation. Not only did the murals provide female representation, but the majority also looked to represent the Chicano culture that is prevalent in the El Paso area. There is not just one that stood out to me though,  there are many that provided me a different interpretation. There is one mural that has a girl dressed kind of boyish like a Chola. She is wearing tan baggy pants, and a white crop top. On her stomach reveals some kind of symbol. Perhaps an ancient symbol used in the culture represented. It is placed in a spot that could symbolize the importance of childhood within the culture. Her hand placement is also a interesting image to examine further. She places her hand covering her breasts as though it is an impurity for the viewer to see. I thought this was interesting to observe because if why would she be so ashamed of another crucial feature of child bearing. If is was okay enough to show her stomach and present a symbol on her, the chest area should be treated equally. This mural does symbolize this women as the "MOTHER OF EARTH" symbol, as it has her standing the center of the suns, clouds, stars and hovering in a god-like fashion over the grass. This may cause a unrealistic expectation that the women is a nature-loving child bearer and that is her major (perhaps only) role of the culture. I am that she is not portrayed more sexualized, but she is being exploited for only her child bearing abilities.

Another mural that stood out to me was the mural that portrayed Frida Kahlo. I thought this was a beautifully painted mural, the attention to detail was amazing. But looking at how Frida Kahlo was being presented was a different story. She is being represented as "La Viva" or the "Motherly Earth Symbol". She has flowers surrounded around her, presented in her dress, and in her hair. The flowers here are a pink and red, the colors that most often used to present the symbol of love. What is interesting is the chosen way they choose to depict Frida Kahlo. Yes, she did paint paintings where the veins would flow from her into the painting, or the symbolism of veins connecting the the things she cares about most. They are represented promply throughout the mural. But she is also beuing portrayed to be a beautiful women with no ill features. They painted this mural and put make up on Frida Kahlo's face... implying that women are only beautiful when they were make-up. She is also wearing a beautiful long dress. A long dress that is covering up a ailment of hers. This representation of Frida Kahlo is yes beautiful, but also detrimental of portraying the correct image and story of Frida Kahlo. I also could no understand the placement of the cars at the bottom of the mural. Is she God of the vintage vehicles too?

Walking back and forth between the murals there is a common theme throughout the female representation. Women are viewed as the God, The Creator of Life, The Mother and that's it. Those are all the roles I was seeing women being portrayed in. And women are not only known for these features. And these images have been prevalent in the Chicana culture for decades.Seeing these images are worrisome in today's culture, because women are fighting to change these sterotypes that have been placed upon us. Not all women are loving, motherly, and care for the earth. If this were the case there would be no global warming. Women wouldn't be seen to men as just second class citizens. They would be able to be elected into higher offices if they were seen as such a god, but we don't even have a high power of authority representing us. These are not now negative sterotypes that do not support the true image of the Chicana movement.

Mi Vida

There are things about a human being that others do not understand. As an individual, I find it essential to also see how other individuals are doing emotionally and physically. It's in my nature to reach out and verify how everyone is doing. It is just in my nature. I am a naturally caring individual, but why is it not a mutual feeling for other individuals. 

I am always questioning why others don't act the way I do. It's always about "ME, ME, ME" but there is never any conscious effort to see how another is doing. And as I continue through this journey called life, I am noticing that it is getting progressively worse. It makes me wonder if I'm the one that's different and acting out. 

I was born in San Diego, California, 22 years ago. But I can still fondly remember my childhood as it was yesterday. I remember being forced to leave my natural curly hair pulled back tightly in a crazy hairstyle that my mother INSISTED I wear. I was never fond of the hair styles or outfits. It always hurt my head and the clothes didn't feel like me. What was considered girly clothes, I didn't care to wear. I just liked to wear what made me comfortable. My parents never understood that I wasn't comfortable they just wanted the best for me. They were just trying to protect me from what those rude little kids would say. But they couldn't protect forever. 

As the years continued on I eventually gained more freedom with my style. I started to wear jeans and just a t-shirt with my wild curly hair able to fly crazy. Of course though I never meet the standard of a pretty girl at the teenage age. A pretty girl already has large breasts, a large butt, perfect teeth, perfect facial (meaning no bushy eyebrows, no mustache, tons of make-up) and most importantly straight and manageable hair. I of course, fit none of those categories. But as I started to grow and my girlfriends grew into that image I couldn't help wonder, why can't I? I couldn't appreciate the natural blessing of curly hair, the body that I was blessed with every function that works. I just wanted to fit into the perfect image. I wanted boys to feel attracted to me and not grossed out.  So I slowly started to conform my image to what men would consider the perfect image. 

I constantly make sure my facial hair is at an appropriate length, my features are noticable. I just felt disgusting. The straw that broke the camels back, was a comment made from an older male teacher about my hair. It was so traumatizing I can remember the exact same words he said to me, he said, "Didn't your mother ever tell you that your hair natural is ugly. You look like a crazy homeless women. You will never have children and a husband with hair like that". From that day on I made the decision to just conceal my natural hair and straighten it every day. I just look in the mirror and hear his voice saying it to me.  I understand now that his comment doesn't define my life, but I have a hard time leaving it natural again. It's a struggle that I will some day possibly overcome, but for now I take it in little steps at a time. Little did that man know that I have a boyfriend, who loves my curly hair, and doesn't care how I look. I can feel at ease now a days knowing I don't need to fit this unrealistic image portrayed by social media.

As I grow older I don't turn to social media as a platform for entertainment anymore. I would find myself using Facebook to stalk my ex and see what his new girlfriend looked like. I would use Instagram to see how Kylie Jenner looked that day, and try and match the pose. It wasn't a healthy way of living. I would compare my life to others without a fair respect to mine. I was missing the memories I could be making in person. I made the conscious effort to leave the platforms behind. Unsurprisingly I live a significantly happier life. I don't feel the pressure of keeping up with other indiviudals or "checking on" my ex's life. I feel content with mine, that I can finally look around and watch. Now I can help other individuals with concerns if they need instead of dragging others down with my negative comments.

I believe as human beings we should be more conscious towards other people's feelings and emotions. You have no idea what that individual is going through. And it's not a difficult task to go and ask how someone's day is going. That simple act of kindness is enough for some individuals. I hope by bring my positivity in the room, one day human kindness shouldnt have to be something to teach an individual, but a trait.

The Master's Tools

The Master's Tools


On a cloudy day, reading the "Master's Tools" from Audrey Lorde again provides a different kind of reaction. It really sheds a light on the message Audrey Lorde was trying to inform her audience. Audrey Lorde recounts a specific time where she was asked to participate in a conference where she would be providing comments about the role of difference within the lives of American women; particularly regarding the difference of race, sexuality, class, and age. She comments about how it would be a pointless conference without the inclusion of these conditions. It angers Audrey Lorde that as an African American, lesbian feminist she was a somewhat last minute addition to this conference. As if there was going to any representation from an African American female, or lesbian, or feminist. It is interesting to note that she was invited to this conference in 1970. At the time this was when the women's revolution was really starting to take shape. But it wasn't an inclusive movement, it was only a movement lead by white well-worth women. And these women took inspiration from different women movements. Parading off of their hard work. And at this conference they are also using her to contribute to their movement. They were not concerned that there was no inclusion of African American or African American lesbians. All of the reading explorer the further theme of women's movement but the increasing polarization of between race, class, and sexuality.

"When you leave take the picture's with you", addresses the shift in the women's movement. What was once intended on becoming a unified front from women has become greatly polarized. This section talk about how white women benefit all the most from the women's revolution, taking all of the credit leading the movement, while discrediting the other races oppressed from their privilege. While "the original intent"(57, The Bridge on my Back) was to show the connection with white women, but now feels more like a separation. But the author makes a good point as well. How can we acknowledge this separation with others, if we cannot first acknowledge it within ourselves. This concept links in quite nicely with Gloria Anzaldua's How to Tame a Wild Tongue. "We clearly have a different relationship to racism than white women, but all of us are born into an environment were racism exists" (58, The Bridge on my Back) further exemplifying the connection of racism within ourselves and our culture. Gloria Anzaldua adds more to this message in her journal entry How to Tame a Wild Tongue.

Gloria Anzaldua brings up a power talking point in How to Tame a Wild Tongue. Our human bodies have interesting functions that our brain commands as normal movements. The eyes blink. Our lungs breathe. When we speak our tongues use the natural movement to emphasize words. But what happens when a person from a different language struggles to communicate to the normalized language. In Borderlands: La Frontera, Gloria Anzaldua explorers how the foreign language is not normalized in the society she lives in. Raised speaking Spanish in her native country, but once moving to the United States she was forced to get rid of her "Spanish accent" and only speak the normal language "English". So she's forced to try and learn a new language and get rid of her accent. Meanwhile being criticized at home for speaking with a non-native accent. This puts a new kind of social presure on the females that are caught in the middle of this. These represents the struggle of racism and oppression within her own race. As she is forced to conform to her cultural heritage as well as the normal put out by society.

What I have learned from both of these readings is the difficulties women must face. On top of the milestone they must face as women they must overcome other inclusions such as sexuality, race, and language barriers. Women have come along way in the movement, but along the way the white race has forgotten to acknowledge the hard work contributed but African American Women, Hispanic women, and more. In a way they have disassociated themselves from the Women's movement and taken credit all for themselves. Audrey Lorde brought this up in 1970s! The issue of inclusiveness was already an issue back then, and in todays era, it is even more separated.




Resources

Anzaldua, Gloria, Moraga, Cherrie, "This Bridge Called My Back: writings by radical  women of color", (2015) Fourth Edition

Anzaldua, Gloria, "Borderlands: La Frontera, The New Mestiza", How to Tame A Wild Tongue, 1980